You only have to take a quick look at one of the many wedding forums that exist to see that the dreaded guest list is the source of much drama and stress. The tales of family members who don’t get on or the odd auntie who likes to cause a drama at family gatherings are enough to make your hair stand on end.
People can feel hurt when not invited to your big day but it’s so important that you only invite people you like to your wedding – so here’s 8 Reasons Why You Should Only Invite the People You LIKE to Your Wedding!
1. Do you actually know them?
Narrowing down the guest list is one of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding. But when you and your partner are deciding who to invite, you shouldn’t feel obligated to add someone you’ve never met to the list.
Believe it or not, brides and grooms are frequently introduced to people for the first time at their own wedding. This is usually the case with distant relatives and business associates of parents. However, the fact that a potential guest is important to your parents is no reason to add them to the guest list for your wedding.
As a rule of thumb, if you haven’t seen a person for over a year, or at least had a nice long chat on the phone if they live far away or abroad, they probably don’t warrant a place at your wedding.
Your wedding guests should be there on the day to support you. They should be a nice mix of family members and loyal friends who have an interest in your life and wish the best for you and your partner.
This is a tricky point. Many people feel that, if you were a guest at their wedding, it would be a social faux pas not to give a reciprocal invitation. However, this is not the case. If you have since grown apart and no longer keep in touch, you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite them to your big day.
Many couples struggle with this, after all, it is highly likely that your co-workers will become some of your closest confidants when you want to have a wedding related whinge! Surely they deserve to see the outcome and receive an invitation to your nuptials?
It is sometimes easier to have a blanket policy when it comes to inviting co-workers to your wedding. Invite them all to the evening reception or invite no-one. If there is someone you are particularly close to, invite them if you like but ask if they could remain discreet about their attendance so as not to upset others.
You could always cultivate the ‘my day, my way’ attitude and simply invite whoever you like and damn the consequences!
This point is a huge bone of contention when couples are planning their guest lists. Often it sounds simple. If a couple already have children, either together or as a blended family, it might be assumed they will be happy to invite all the children of their guests to the wedding, but often this isn’t correct.
A policy here is vital so there is no misunderstanding right from the start. You should decide whether there will be any children present at the wedding or on what basis you will invite children to attend and ask your families to help you communicate this to your guests.
As with any potentially tricky situation, it’s best to tackle the elephant in the room early and present a united front when fielding questions about your choices.
If it looks like your choice is going to be very unpopular with your family, or too difficult to manage, you may need to rethink your decision and find a compromise.
You may decide to abandon your planned wedding entirely and get wed abroad to avoid the issue. Doing things this way will allow you to have a big party when you return. An event of this type where the difficult or challenging guests can be swallowed up in the crowd is far more simple to cope with.
One of the most used and excuses when faced with people questioning why they have not received an invitation is that the venue simply can’t accommodate everyone. This is a nice excuse to use as it’s unlikely to hurt anyone’s feelings.
What about You may decide to combine the “venue limitations” excuse with issuing an “evening only” invitation. This works particularly well with friends with new partners (or partners you don’t get along that well with).
‘Dear Jane and Phil,
We would loved to invite Bonnie and Clyde to our wedding celebrations, we are disappointed that we cannot include them. We have made the decision to have an adult only/just our own children at the wedding due to the size of the venue/financial constraints.
Please do not interpret our choice as anything but practical. We love visiting you and your children and would very much like to spend an afternoon out with you all after the wedding to celebrate. We’ll keep some cake and sweets for the children to bring with us when we see you next.
We hope you understand and look forward to celebrating with you on the day.’
The most important thing to remember is that, in the end, the wedding you are planning has to be right for you. Being honest and up front right from the start about your plans will help avoid heated situations close to the date of the wedding.
All the best,